But David who writes advertising DOES NOT!
David hates business! The whole business season!
You can ask why, and he’ll probably tell you the reason.
Businesses are greedy and soulless, they can’t help it
But we’ve turned them into people with a vote and he don’t like it.
But most of all it’s because of you, busy business people who think it’s important
(And shit I can’t think of anything that rhymes with important!)
Whatever the reason, business people or their shoes
Writing business advice columns makes him snooze
So instead of doing his job like a good business cog
He jots down a poem about business in his blog.
Dear guy who does payroll across the open floor,
Everyone sees you swilling mouthwash after lunch and before.
Breath is important, especially for the talkative type like you,
But man up and put vodka in your water bottle like I do.
Dear training manager lady who is about to get fired
I’d feel bad if you weren’t constantly gossiping since I was hired.
No one cares about dress code but you
And everyone knows all day you have nothing to do.
So stop sending people home for wearing the wrong shoes, pants and hat
No amount of being a bitch is going to change that.
Dear overseas office who is supposed to be making my new site
Next time I ask you for a design do it right.
I know you’re throwing a fit because you think your ideas are better,
But your ideas suck… I guess that’s all I have, a strongly worded letter!(fuck that was lame. I’m screwing this up. Where was I?)
Dear guy who hired me and thinks I care about procedure, management and pipeline
I fucking don’t and you’re making me lose my mind.
I provide you copy, ads, marketing and more
I’m not going to be your corporate whore.
Co-workers, I don’t really like any of you and it’s not your bad,
It’s just that you’re dumb and boring and you all make me sad.
Maybe one day my heart will grow three sizes or more,
Or just let me do what I was hired for.
Cool. Just in time for lunch. Busy busy busy.