Monthly Archives: May 2014

I’m So Vain I Probably Think This Blog is About Me

Which is why I’ve been ignoring it. I’m like an emotionally abusive husband to myself. What does that have to do with vanity? Well maybe I’m just so into myself I don’t even have time to pay attention to myself … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Because I Feel Bad About the Last Entry of the Week Being a Poem… HERE’S HOW NUMBERS WORK YEAH!

This is going to be really short. Freshman Algebra for some reason we get into Social Security numbers. My guess why? Teacher was trying to steal some identities in retrospect, but who knows. Obnoxious Kid (Me): Hey, what happens when there … Continue reading

Posted in This really happened mostly | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Every Business Person in Busyville Loved Being Busy a Lot… (Hey, don’t read this, I was bored. I see some people clicked here. I apologize. I’ll add something less lame in a bit.)

But David who writes advertising DOES NOT! David hates business! The whole business season! You can ask why, and he’ll probably tell you the reason. Businesses are greedy and soulless, they can’t help it But we’ve turned them into people … Continue reading

Posted in Super smart business advice for businesses | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Dear Judgmental Soccer Mom

Thanks for the comments! I was going to entertain myself for an hour or so until lunch got here with sarcasm and double entendre and time how long it took to catch on. I do enjoy those kinds of back … Continue reading

Posted in Life advice from Yoda... or a yeti who knows | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Killed My Tortoise

I have Dissociative Feelings Disorder. And before you ask, yes I just made that up. THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT REAL! Dissociative Identity Disorder is multiple personalities, which is awesome in theory but probably in real life not as cool … Continue reading

Posted in This really happened mostly | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Okay You’re a Mother, You’re Not My Fucking Mother

This is a short one and doesn’t really count as a post, but in my ever-spiraling descent into utter and complete anti-social hermitdom I find I need to step back, take a breath, and discern whether this newest thought I cannot … Continue reading

Posted in Life advice from Yoda... or a yeti who knows | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

It’s Called Healing People

Warning: Don’t read this if you internalize insults made to strangers out of anger, or if you externalize those insults and apply them to entire groups of people, or just don’t read this because I get pretty offensive. But for … Continue reading

Posted in This really happened mostly | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Zen Guide to Dealing with Traffic for the Fully Realized Individual

Traffic for fully realized conscious people like us can be a real drag. Who are these peasants in metal land ships delaying our important progress toward our destination? It’s uncivilized to say the least, we know. But sometimes when our … Continue reading

Posted in Life advice from Yoda... or a yeti who knows | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Smart Business Advice for Smart Minded Business Go-Getters, Movers and Shakers. Go Get ‘Em Tiger!

As an important marketer at an important internet marketing company I’m often required to write important advice pieces for less important non-marketing businesses who are our lucky clients. These insightful articles to insignificant businesses consist of our research and development … Continue reading

Posted in Super smart business advice for businesses | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Brown Trout Only Swim Down Stream – Hint, there may be murder rakes involved.

In High School during the summers I had an interesting job. You might call it a dirty job, even a… shitty job. I was really bad at it. It involved waking up about an hour before first tide, putting on … Continue reading

Posted in This really happened mostly | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment